Running Jump

An awful lot has happened since I last wrote. The wheels of transition have started rolling, and they’re picking up speed. I’ve started traveling around, speaking in churches. So far they’ve all been places I know—my old college church, my current church, places that know my family…things like that. This coming Sunday I’ll be branching out and speaking somewhere I’ve never been before. The responses have been great—people are really excited to hear about and get involved with missions, and it’s been really encouraging for me to see that. (That does a lot to help with the overwhelming sensation I keep getting that I have no idea what I’m doing—at least it seems like I’m doing it right.)

Beyond that, a lot of the practical stuff has been falling into place too. I’m almost done with my required reading. The shots are finished. Paperwork is getting sorted. Questions are being answered. And yesterday was the biggie—moving out of my apartment.

I’ve known the move was coming for a while. My roommate took a job in Houston, and the timing for the end of the lease seemed perfect. We’d have to move out right about my deadline, which would leave me with just over a month to pack up, visit family and say my goodbyes. It sounded great, but it’s turning out to be a much bigger leap of faith than I had anticipated. See, not only did I move out, but I had to quit my job—where I’m living now is way too far for me to be driving and spending gas money every day. (And, in all honesty, it was kind of an awful job, so I don’t miss it really, except now I don’t have any income.) So, I have no job and no apartment, and that would be fine if I could just know that I’d be going to Kenya in a month. But I don’t. I don’t have near the support I need yet (especially in monthly pledges), and I’ve got eight days left to get it. I’m hoping and praying and trusting that I will, because I know that that’s where God wants me. But I don’t know that I will. And I’m not good at not knowing. I’m standing on the edge of where I’m supposed to be, and I don’t know how far to jump.

But I’m working on it. I’m working on finding peace in not knowing. I may not know what I’m doing, but God does, so I’m working on just having faith. And I’m praying. I know you’ve all been praying too, and there really aren’t words for me to say just how grateful I am for that and how much it means to me. Thank you. I’m really, really, nervous, but I’ve got the best people in the world behind me, and I’ve got God in charge of it all, so I’m going for it. Not sure yet where I’ll land, but I’m taking a running jump.